The holidays often bring families together, which can be wonderful but can also stir up complicated dynamics and old patterns. If being around family feels challenging, try journaling to explore personal boundaries, understand your needs, and work through potential triggers.
Here’s how to make family time more manageable and meaningful this season with BeMo’s guidance.
Reflect on Boundaries
Let’s start with boundaries. If you haven’t practiced setting them before, boundaries can feel elusive. Often, attachment styles and childhood experiences shape how we interact in close relationships. If you grew up putting others’ needs first or avoiding conflict, setting boundaries may feel strange or even selfish. But they’re essential—they protect your emotional well-being and let you enjoy family time without feeling drained.
To begin, journal about what feels uncomfortable during family gatherings. Do certain topics make you anxious? Are there people or situations that bring stress? Write freely about anything that comes up. Awareness is the first step.
Then, after you work through Needs, identify what boundaries could help protect your peace. List your Choices for how you can uphold these boundaries. Get real with an Imagine Future practice and play out the best case scenario.
Here are some Cans to inspire you:
- Set a time limit at gatherings.
- Voice your need and kindly ask to avoid certain topics.
- Plan breaks.
- Take your BeMo with you to family events.
Journaling these boundaries in advance is like giving yourself permission to prioritize your needs, which lets you show up more authentically.
Identify Your Needs
Now, let’s dig into needs.
We’re used to thinking of “needs” as things we “need to do.” But that turns needs into tasks rather than core necessities.
BeMo teaches us to ask, “What do I have a need for?”—revealing foundational needs like safety, belonging, or freedom instead of just goals to change how we feel.
For example, if a family conversation about your career stresses you out, it’s not about needing to “calm down” -- this is taking responsibility for others emotions and feeling like the world is against you and it is, somehow, deserved or your fault. Let's work through this complicated storyline and let go of the trauma-informed response slowly and surely. Instead, embrace your need for acceptance without judgment and Know deeply where this need comes from. This subtle shift lets you focus on honoring what you truly need, rather than trying to change your feelings.
Start by asking, “What need am I trying to meet here?” Write down your thoughts, then use BeMo’s Needs Wheel in your journal to identify foundational needs. This exercise offers clarity and empowers you to be authentic with yourself.
Work Through Potential Triggers
Family gatherings often bring emotional cues that trigger us. A trigger might be a comment, a behavior, or a dynamic that reminds you of past challenges. Triggers are normal—they’re your mind’s way of pointing to past experiences. Instead of avoiding them, let’s plan to handle them with grace.
First, jot down any triggers you anticipate. Some common holiday triggers include:
- Comparisons between family members
- Questions about career, relationships, or personal choices
- Old family jokes or habits that make you uncomfortable
- Feeling overlooked or dismissed
- Assumptions about your role in family traditions
FUNCK your triggers! Work through them ahead of time rather than letting your hypervigilance run wild!
Once you have your list, pick one or two likely triggers and write down strategies to manage each. This could be a grounding phrase, taking a pause, or planning a break. Recognizing triggers in advance helps you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically, which gives you a sense of control.
As the holidays unfold, let your BeMo Journal guide you through these family dynamics. By exploring boundaries, identifying true needs, and planning for potential triggers, you’re building a holiday that’s both peaceful and empowering—a time where you can be fully present.
